You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
