i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
