His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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