I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
