i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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