Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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