Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
