I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
