so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
