Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
