Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
