Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
