Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
