He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
