i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's great music for shaving your balls
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
