I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
