Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
