quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
