He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Mom said you looked used
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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