he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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