i think i have two assholes
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
