why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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