Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
