I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He felt like a one man threesome
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
