every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
