Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
