I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
