We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
