i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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