Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
