I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
