Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
