Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
