why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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