Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
