Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
