Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
