Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
