I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
