i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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