So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
