I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
