This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
