sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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