I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she told me i tasted like america
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
