it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
