I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
