What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
