I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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