She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
