i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We need to get me chipped asap
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
