I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
