The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
