turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
