Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
