Where is the hickey?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
jump out the window naked night went bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
