I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
