were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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